The Secret Language of Family in Assisted Living (and How to Decipher It)

They say 90% of your time is spent dealing with 10% of the people we work with. And in the world of Assisted Living, that 10% often comes in the form of challenging family members. We love that families are involved and care deeply about their loved ones, but sometimes… well, sometimes it's a lot.

We all know the type: the family with expectations higher than your team can jump, the family with opinions on every minute of the day, the family you just can't seem to please no matter how hard you try. It can be exhausting.

But here's the thing: underneath the demands and the frustration, there's often a lot of anxiety and a need for control. Think about it – they're watching their loved one decline, navigating a complex healthcare system, and feeling completely helpless. It's scary! So, sometimes that fear manifests as intense interactions. Now, I'm not saying this excuses challenging behavior. But understanding where it's coming from can help you take a step back and respond with a little more compassion (even when it's really, really hard to do).

And here's the biggest secret: it's often not worth arguing over.  Obviously, some requests are completely unreasonable. But when you're dealing with a difficult family member, finding a compromise is your best bet for long-term peace (or at least a truce).

Here are a few strategies we've found helpful:

• Give them a sense of control:  People often get pushy when they feel powerless. So, offer options, ask for their input! Let them contribute to the care plan in a meaningful way. Even small choices can make a big difference.

• Offer realistic alternatives:  If they're asking for something completely out of this world, offer a realistic solution that you can provide consistently. This shows you're listening and trying to meet their needs within reasonable boundaries.

• Know when to take a break: If things get heated, it's okay to say, "I understand you're upset. I need a little time to consider the best way to address this." This gives everyone a chance to cool down and prevents things from escalating.

• Pick up the phone (or better yet, meet in person):  In this age of emails and texts, it's easy to send a text or email but even easier for tone to get lost (or misinterpreted). A phone call or face-to-face conversation can go a long way in building rapport and de-escalating tense situations. Hearing your voice and knowing you care can make all the difference.

• Be flexible (when you can):  Is their request really a deal-breaker? Sometimes bending a little (within reason, of course!) can build trust and make future interactions smoother. It's about finding that balance between meeting their needs and protecting your team and residents.

• Remember their pain:  It's easy to forget in the heat of the moment, but these families are going through a lot. They're grieving the loss of the person their loved one used to be. Try to be patient and understanding, even when it's hard.

  
  

And finally, remember you're not alone in this! We're here to help. Managing challenging family dynamics is one of the most common questions and situations we help managers navigate. So, reach out to us – let's work through it together!